When Is Introducing Someone To 40K Like A Medical Emergency?

Hey there Chaos followers and heretics. Old Man Chaos is back with a bit of a kind of humorous post. But first, I just did a quick read through of the Imperial Guard codex (I am fine with Astra Millitarum, but I'm always going to call it IG). I really like the codex- the orders system is really solid, there is potential for lots of Psykers and such, and of course, the tanks are as dangerous as ever (the Hydra will be a must in this age of flyers). I think the book is really solid- I shall have to work on my Traitor Guardsmen, that's for sure!

The Ultramarine's line

The Scions of Gorechild prepare to charge

At any rate, last Friday was round 3 for me and my friend Brian, whom I have been introducing Warhammer 40K to. To begin with, Brian already knows about Warhammer from the computer fantasy games (which, I'm frankly not sure), but he knew little about 40K. He always saw my models and all that, so finally he had asked what it was about, so I loaned him the big rule book so he could see for himself. At any rate, he decided that he wanted to try, so I let him use my Ultramarines and away we went. In our first match (at like 800 points), his Ultramarines shot my Khorne Bezerkers all to hell, and he won. Wow. Beginner's luck or a hustler? Ha. The first game was a basic set up, with some Marines, a dreadnought each, etc. Simple enough to learn the rules. Brain was successful in fire discipline, carefully whittling down each unit in turn- impressive enough for a newbie. In our second match at 1200 or so, the Scions of Gorechild got revenge, defeating the Ultramarines handily (Brian learned to hate the Maulerfiend, which quickly tore through his back ranks, and the Defiler, which blew huge holes in his lines). We introduced jump packs as well as deep strike and Terminators. Brian appreciated the learning curve thus far.

The Stalker was ready to shoot down enemy aircraft

So, this past Friday Brian said he wanted to play again. So we increased it to about 1800 points, and included flyers (Heldrake versus Storm Talon, as well as a Stalker tank, which I wanted to see in action). This game would allow Brian to play a larger match, as well as learning about Flyers.

The Defiler blew up chunks of the Ultramarine line

The mission was Relic, for which we used a simple set of barrels amid a crashed ship (who knows what was in those drums? A hiding Inquisitor perhaps? Nyuk Nyuk). Brain won the roll off but decided to let me go first- that'll learn him not to do that again. I decided to hold nothing in reserve and charged everything at him, as a Khorne lord should. My Defiler cut a whole into his army, taking out some of his jump squad and some regular men, thanks to a drifting blast template.

Two Maulerfiends can be quite a headache

Brian again was very disciplined in firing, even taking out a couple of my Chaos bikes as well as some of my Warp Talons. He naturally targeted both Maulerfiends, (eventually taking out one with a hale of fire from his Dreadnought). His Land Speeders shot my cultists all to hell (as I was sure he would).His Librarian suffered a perils of the warp with double 6s, which made me laugh (and Brian scowl).

Smite the enemies of the Imperium of Mankind!!

I failed to give the bikes the mark of Khorne- an accident that became a big mistake

Close combat was amusing at times. My first Maulerfiend wrecked a squad before it was destroyed. My second Maulerfiend killed the Stalker (thus I still didn't see it in action). My bikes shot at and charged the Scouts- but I didn't give them the Mark of Khorne and thus couldn't cut through them fast enough. My last remaining Talons got into it with the Assault Terminators, but those thunder hammer / storm shield combos hurt. The funny part was my champion challenged his sarge, and... both of us came up with lousy rolls, not even scoring hits (I didn't take VoLW, as I want him to learn more rules before I turn it up a notch). My damn Heldrake was nowhere to be seen. Damn it.

A fight that went nowhere for two turns.

Keep moving... blood for the blood god!

Then,  his Storm Talon roared in, Lascannon blazing at my Defiler, destroying it. Combats were not going anywhere, as the bikes just couldn't finish off enough of the Scouts still, and the Warp Talons finally getting knocked out. But, by top of turn 3, my Lord and his Terminator retinue had just taken the relic. Yes, Brian was about to pitch a lot of his force toward me, but I had a Maulerfiend and an inbound Heldrake that could ruin his day, as well as two squads of mostly untouched Bezerkers at either side of the Lord's squad.

The Stormtalon's arrival heralded the end of the Defiler

Keep your eyes on the prize!

Then, as it was about to start Brian's turn 3, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. Sure- happens to all of us, even in the midst of battle. But then, when he emerged from the bathroom... he was as pale as could be!! He said that he needed to go to the doctor ASAP. What?! Holy Cow!! I have met people who couldn't handle losing before, but geez. To fake going to the hospital to get out of losing... ;-)

Actually, Brian did suffer a medical problem, and thankfully the ER was able to help him. I've never heard of a game of 40K making someone sick before (Ha ha. These jokes just write themselves). Apparently he was ill from rolling too many ones (see what I mean). Just when I think I have seen it all as a 40K player... I've never sent an opponent to the ER before. This will be a game I will long remember, for its crazy ending!

For his part, Brian was as gracious as usual, conceding the game to me, since I had the relic. He says he wants a rematch though, as soon as he is 100%. He obviously likes the game...

Can you top that gaming war story? Until next time...